Today is International Childfree Day, a day to recognize and celebrate a lifestyle that's often misunderstood. As part of the DYWork community, I want to shed light on what it means to be childfree and why it's a valid and fulfilling path for many.
What Does "Childfree" Mean?
Childfree simply means living life without children. The term gained popularity in the 1970s during the feminist movement, with the suffix "-free" emphasizing the freedom and autonomy that comes with this choice. Interestingly, about 21% of adults in the United States are childfree today, which significantly higher than in previous generations.
Why Choose a Childfree Life?
The reasons for choosing a childfree life are as diverse as the individuals themselves. But, some common motivations include:
Financial stability: Raising children can be expensive, with annual costs exceeding $16,000. Some people may prioritize financial security and other financial goals over parenthood.
Career focus: Parenthood can be perceived as parenthood as a barrier to career advancement, especially in demanding fields. Some people choose to focus on their professional goals and ambitions without the added responsibility of parenting.
Freedom and flexibility: A childfree life offers more freedom and flexibility, allowing for the time and resources to travel, pursue hobbies, and explore spontaneous adventures without the constraint of parenting responsibilities.
Mental and emotional well-being: Parenting can be demanding, and require significant mental and emotional resources. For some, choosing not to have children is a way to prioritize their own mental health and well-being.
Health concerns: Health-related issues, such as concerns about pregnancy, childbirth, or genetic factors, can also influence the decision to remain childfree.
& the list goes on . . .
If you're childfree, what's one reason you opted out having children?
Financial stability
Career focus
Freedom and flexibility
Mental and emotional well-being
My Personal Journey
I never felt a strong desire to have children. This might have stemmed from my mom's transparency about the challenges of parenthood or the fact that I never saw it as an essential part of my life experience. If I met someone who wanted children, I thought I might consider it, but the urge never really came from within. For me, it ultimately came down to preserving my freedom, avoiding financial strain and burnout, and focusing on my personal goals. And, while it might sound a bit superficial, I also valued my body and didn't want it to change through pregnancy and childbirth.
When I turned 27, I also learned more about my family's history with schizophrenia. Several members of both my immediate and extended family struggled with this condition, and it appeared to affect one person in every generation. I saw firsthand what the transition from motherhood to long-term caregiving for a mentally ill child involved. While respected the love and commitment, I wasn't certain it was a path I wanted for myself.
Around the same time, I entered my first same-sex relationship (a story for another blog, lol). But, this made having biological children impossible, solidifying the path I was already leaning towards.
"The Work" at the Intersection of My Childfree Identity
Living childfree involves its own unique journey of personal growth and reflection. For me, it begins with addressing FOMO—the fear of missing out. As my peers embrace parenthood, I sometimes feel a subtle, yet persistent, societal pressure to join them. There are moments where I feel excluded from the shared experiences of parenting, and even a sense of guilt or emptiness for choosing a different path. I actively engage in self-reflection, reminding myself of who I am, what truly matters to me, and how I envision my life unfolding.
Finding community with other childfree individuals is also essential. As we grow older, we transition from being the majority to the minority. Connecting with others who share a similar lifestyle, finding mentors who embody the life I aspire to, and simply engaging with those who understand the unique challenges we face can create a sense of belonging and validation. This is something I've been intentionally working to cultivate in my own life.
Another aspect of my personal work involves optimizing my time—making the most of every moment. With the space, energy, and capacity that a childfree life affords, I try to squeeze every bit of fulfillment out of my days. This includes dedicating myself to my career goals, exploring my passions to their fullest, and using my time wisely to create the life I truly desire.
Finally, the work also means figuring out what legacy, sense of purpose, and family mean to me personally. For years, I was conditioned to believe that finding fulfillment in life required having biological children, fitting into a heteronormative family structure, and considering family only in terms of genetic ties. That’s simply not true. Embracing my childfree identity involves unlearning these societal expectations and living life on my own terms. It means giving myself permission to redefine what matters to me and finding peace in the decisions I've made and the path I’ve chosen.